Not Loving You Is Harder Than You Know
by AlexisIeroween
Summary: Yep, it's a rather sexy-to-be FRERARD. It gets 'descriptive' in the second chapter which should be up tomorrow. Enjoy! The title is based on a song by Escape The Fate that always makes me and Elizabeth cry, hehe. Read, rate and review!  Allie xo


Why do I have to love someone I can never have? It hurts, alot. I hate these feelings, I hate them with a passion. I wish I could choose who I fall in love with. Life would be easier and would hurt alot less. Also I wouldn't feel like such a gay pansy being in love with my bestfriend, Gerard Way. Even just thinking about him sends shivers down my spine. I don't know if it's because he's beautiful or because it scares the shit out of me being in love with him.

When I married Jamia I never thought I'd love Gerard like this. I've only started feeling this way since Jamia's been acting different towards me, really different. Maybe that's why I feel like this towards Gerard? Because I don't feel loved by Jamia so...no, that's not it. I've always been sexually attracted to him but I never used to want to be with him _all _the time like this. We kiss and mess around on stage _alot _and I've always enjoyed it, maybe abit too much, but that was just to tease the fans and to annoy homophobes, but now I want to do it all the time, even off stage. I just don't know what's gotten into me.

"Frank? You awake?" I heard a voice come from the bunk across the room. The familiar voice was Gerard. That beautiful voice that's always stuck in my head.

"Umm, yeah. Are you?" I replied shakily. I usually got nervous when I spoke to him recently, just incase I said something wrong.

"No, I'm in a real deep sleep at this very moment!" Gerard laughed sarcastically. I giggled quite abit at that, very girly too. I sounded like such an idiot but I just found it funny so I couldn't stop.

"Shhh! You'll wake everyone up with your girly giggles," Gerard laughed. I suddenly shut up when he said that. I dont know why, I thought it annoyed him.

"Aww Frankie! I didn't mean shut up! It was cute," Gerard laughed again.

"Umm, sorry?" I stuttered nervously.

"Why are you nervous?" Gerard asked sounded quite worried. Why was I nervous? I've spoken to Gerard hundreds of times.

"I don't know." I replied in awe.

"Ok then, strange boy." Gerard laughed. I loved his laugh, it kinda comforted me in a way. "Well i'm going to try and get some sleep, so night." Gerard said rolling over on his other side pulling the cover over him alittle more.

"Oh ok, night." I love you, I love you so much. I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him how I felt, I wanted him to feel the same way. I needed him to feel the same way. I hate rejection, especially from the people you love the most who can hurt you the most.

Light spilled in through the blinds and the smells of coffee leaked in through the crack in the door. I climbed out of the bunk and walked into the buses little kitchen to see that beautiful man.

"Oh morning Frank, I was going to bring coffee into you." Gerard smiled as he turned around to face me holding a hot cup of coffee in each hand.

"Well thanks for the coffee anyway," I smiled and took a cup from Gerard's hand, "Where's the others?" I took a sip of the coffee, burning my bottom lip. "Ouch! Fuck!" I squealed and put the cup on the counter. I held my mouth with my hand in an attempt to stop the burning, it didn't work.

"Oh Frank, you idiot!" Gerard giggled and moved my hand from my mouth, cupping my chin in his hand delicately. "Coffee is hot you know." Gerard examined my lips with his hazel eyes. I cringed in the warmth of his stare.

"It's not too burnt, but it does look pretty hurt, let me heal it." Gerard smirked and wrapped his free hand around my waist and brought his lips to mine. The warmth of Gerard's lips against mine took the burning pain away. I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around Gerard's neck and kissed him back freely. His tongue slid across my bottom lip, asking for entrance. My lips gave in, my mouth opened and let his tongue in to explore freely.

Gerard pulled me closer as his tongue brushed along mine. His hand that was cupping my chin, slipped down my neck and collar bone down to my waist. I felt his warm hands slid up my shirt to trace along my stomach. Gerard broke the kiss for a second and my lips grew cold.

"You know, I like you better when you're shirtless." Gerard smirked and slowly slid my shirt off. I smirked back and slid his shirt off in sync.

"I like it more when we're both shirtless, together." I whispered in Gerard's ear and licked up jawline.


End file.
